Learning to speak my mind.

Somewhere between three and eighteen, I lost my muscle memory of how to tell stories. Throughout my life, I’ve overcome fear, bungee jumped, dealt with negative self-talk… but I have yet to learn how to express them into stories out loud.

I know it is four months into twenty-seventeen, but this year’s focus is to improve my public speaking skills. I am joining Toastmasters and sitting multiple CUS committees. Because even when I have the courage and audacity to throw myself into speaking engagements; my mind and mouth falter.

For now, I will learn to be a bit more vulnerable on the internet. I will be editing this post shortly after I am finished my final exam to share these thoughts more in depth, but for now, I just wanted to put this thought out there.

The below content has been added on 4/29/2017.

The thing that spurred me to actively seek out Toastmasters was that I couldn’t present to my own board why I should have been on budget.

I’m very lucky to work with such a hardworking and informed Board of Directors. Listening to them explain their priorities for the year to the Dean, I really appreciated the diversity of their perspectives, some focused on the transfer students’ experience, others on incoming students, and still others on promotion of the CUS clubs, conferences and services. They’re also very fun people to be around; I’ve been able to bond with them over socials.

But standing in front of them with my other fellow board explaining why I wanted to be on budget committee? I was so nervous that I could not even come up with a 30-second explanation why I wanted to be on the committee. I am interested in Finance, worked with two clubs and saw the power a budget has to make and break an event. Did I mention any of that? No. I even mentioned that I didn’t personally have budget experience.

WHY am I sabotaging myself? I don’t know! I have no clue! I am frustrated and embarrassed even though that meeting was two weeks ago!

I’m hoping to unpack why I manage to sabotage myself whenever I have to promote myself and appear confident in front of my peers when I go to the Toastmasters meetings.

After getting to the root of the cause of my self-sabotage, I hope to rebuild it again. I don’t have a “nice happy ending” to this post, no tips and insight on how to speak my mind; not yet at least.

Quite fitting for a first post, wouldn’t you say?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s